Sunday, April 3, 2011

Day 8-One Week Down, So Many to Go

Dear Deployment,

I have done really well so far-I feel strong and able to handle this.
or at least I did until 5 minutes ago.

I can do the brave face thing, sometimes it's easy in fact....but for some reason, this evening has been difficult.  I miss my husband.  I want to feel his arms around me.  I want to share dinner with him.  I want to snuggle.
and let's just face it....I'm sex deprived.

It's been one week and one day since he left.  I haven't cried yet...but I feel close to crying tonight.  I'm lonely.  I hate this quiet apartment.  I just want him home.

I am fortunate enough to be able to go to a Bible Study of military wives and our current topic is coping with deployment.  How apropos, especially for me in this season of our lives.  I never thought I'd be spending our first anniversary alone, my 23rd birthday....our 6 month anniversary.  This is so much more than I ever saw us doing
and I know we can do it
but this is hard today

I am trying to get into these new shows that everyone is talking about: Army Wives and Coming Home.
Army Wives is hard--seeing them cope with someone dying in action...that's my greatest fear.  I don't want to be a widow at 23.  It terrifies me beyond words.  I don't know what I would do--the thought paralyzes me.
I wish that he could just stay home where it's safe.  But I know that he wouldn't be happy--he loves his job.  He loves serving.  and I love that by being beside him allows me to serve
even on hard nights like today.

Coming Home just makes me cry.  It's so emotional for me because I know how those families feel.  I know the gut wrenching feeling of having them gone and the roller coaster of waiting for them to walk off of that airplane.
Good Lord I'm a mess.

I wish I could talk to him today.  I miss him so much.  I want to tell him how puppy did today at her training class, how much improvement she has made, her new favorite places in the house.
I want to tell him how I finally used my blender and made a homemade Jamba Juice.
I love him so much.

and I hope tomorrow is easier.  I know it will be.

The Faithful Wife

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