I have done really well so far-I feel strong and able to handle this.
or at least I did until 5 minutes ago.
I can do the brave face thing, sometimes it's easy in fact....but for some reason, this evening has been difficult. I miss my husband. I want to feel his arms around me. I want to share dinner with him. I want to snuggle.
and let's just face it....I'm sex deprived.
It's been one week and one day since he left. I haven't cried yet...but I feel close to crying tonight. I'm lonely. I hate this quiet apartment. I just want him home.
I am fortunate enough to be able to go to a Bible Study of military wives and our current topic is coping with deployment. How apropos, especially for me in this season of our lives. I never thought I'd be spending our first anniversary alone, my 23rd birthday....our 6 month anniversary. This is so much more than I ever saw us doing
and I know we can do it
but this is hard today
I am trying to get into these new shows that everyone is talking about: Army Wives and Coming Home.
Army Wives is hard--seeing them cope with someone dying in action...that's my greatest fear. I don't want to be a widow at 23. It terrifies me beyond words. I don't know what I would do--the thought paralyzes me.
I wish that he could just stay home where it's safe. But I know that he wouldn't be happy--he loves his job. He loves serving. and I love that by being beside him allows me to serve
even on hard nights like today.
Coming Home just makes me cry. It's so emotional for me because I know how those families feel. I know the gut wrenching feeling of having them gone and the roller coaster of waiting for them to walk off of that airplane.
Good Lord I'm a mess.
I wish I could talk to him today. I miss him so much. I want to tell him how puppy did today at her training class, how much improvement she has made, her new favorite places in the house.
I want to tell him how I finally used my blender and made a homemade Jamba Juice.
I love him so much.
and I hope tomorrow is easier. I know it will be.
The Faithful Wife