Thursday, April 28, 2011

Day 33--One Missed Call

Dear Deployment,

I missed his phone call yesterday.  I was at work, and I'm not allowed to carry my phone with me.  It was 1315 our time, 2115 his time.  When I went on my break and heard his voicemail, I broke down.  I cried.  I wanted to scream.  How could I miss my DH's phone call?
I am still waiting to hear from him.  I know he's there safely, but I want to talk to him so bad.  I want to tell him about my days and our puppy and the maintenence order I had to put in for our apartment and how I need to go grocery shopping but I can't manage to convince myself to leave our puppy any longer than physically necessary.

It's almost been a's been the slowest week of my life

but that means we are almost one week down--one week closer to being together.
so it will be okay

The Faithful Wife

Monday, April 25, 2011

Day 30--Everything I Wish I Could Say

Dear Deployment,

I'm still waiting to hear from him again.  Two agonizing days not knowing what his schedule is, what he's doing, what he's thinking or even where he is. I know he's safe, but I just miss his voice.
I want to tell him to watch the mail, since I sent his first care package today.  I had all sorts of odds and ends in there, but made sure to include a batch of his favorite brownies.
hopefully they keep.

I want to tell him about the pretty flowers I bought yesterday for his mother.  There were too many in the bouquet, so I brought some home to put in a small vase here.
I love purple. I also love daisies.
DH never buys me flowers.  His one flaw is that he doesn't have a romantic bone in his body (he says he has one, he just chooses not to use it).  So I buy them for myself.  I think they liven up a home and make it more inviting.

I also love to randomly send people flowers.  If DH wasn't so dang far away, I would just send him some--I'd make sure there was something manly involved though, like a Tonka Truck ribbon on the vase...or something.  I could market that...oh the possibilities!

I also wish I could show him my painting.  I'm really enjoying it--and it makes me feel artistic, even though I'm creatively challenged.
Hopefully it looks cool when I'm done.  I want to frame it and put it in our second bathroom we don't have....our next house will have one though, and I'm doing a port/marina theme.  I decide these things years in advance.  It's worked out well so far.

I would also like to tell him about our ridiculous puppy.  This is our ridiculous puppy:

She was getting scolded.

Puppy is ridiculous, though.  She makes me laugh all the time.  She also frustrates me frequently.  Sometimes I think I have a very hairy toddler on my hands.
I opened my eyes this morning to her face less than 2 inches from mine.  Just staring.
I about peed my pants.
I love this animal. How could you not?

Pretty dang cute, if I do say so myself.

I wish I could tell him all sorts of things, but I guess I can wait a few more days.  Suspense will make the stories all the more dramatic--and I do like to be animated.  I guess I can use this to my advantage.

We'll see how this goes.

The Faithful Wife

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Day 29--Confetti, Easter Eggs, and the In-Laws

Dear Deployment,

Today was our first official holiday apart because of a deployment.  He has arrived safely in his originally destined country--we still don't know if he'll be heading to Afghanistan yet.  We were able to talk for two minutes yesterday, for which I was thankful.  I almost hung up on him though because I didn't recognize the phone number and there was a delay....
I'm glad I waited that extra second.
It was so good to hear his voice.  It sounded like him, just more tired.  He hadn't really slept since leaving on Friday, so he was exhausted after two days of travel.  It sounds like he has his own room for now, which will be nice, especially when we have Skype dates, so that we don't have to feel as though someone is listening in to our conversations.

I can't wait for him to get his internet up and working...two minute phone calls already stink and letters are slow.  I sent him an email this morning and posted on his Facebook wall today, but obviously, am still waiting for a reply.  Guh, sometimes this whole concept of him getting settled in really drives me loony.

I must admit, though, that I am somewhat relieved this deployment is finally underway.  The stress of just waiting for it was almost too much towards the end of the waiting.  I hate that DH is gone, but I'm also glad that we're finally in the deployment phase--it means we can start our countdown to being together again.  It means we can settle into a routine finally.
I want to hear from him so bad.  I want to tell him about my day today.

But I guess I'll tell you for now, and add pictures as I receive them.

My immediate family celebrated Easter yesterday afternoon.  As usual, the Easter Egg Hunt was a contact sport resulting in at least two children throwing fits (one of whom is over the age of 20--and no, it was not me).  Easter is probably the most important holiday in my family because it is the day that our Savior completed what He came to do--Save us!  It was a blessed time together and I was happy to share that with them.
I had to wake up early this morning to drive an hour and a half to my in-laws (we are fortunate to be stationed close to family right now) for brunch.  I can't remember the last time I ate that much food.  I'm still learning to navigate the whole "in law" business, but I think it's getting easier as time goes on....DH is my safety blanket when it comes to them, so without him here, I do feel a bit more timid around them.
but darn it, I'm going to keep working at it

Puppy was not happy with me today since she spent the majority of it in her kennel.  She wouldn't snuggle with me when I got home.
I guess I probably deserved it.

Around 4, I went to the Colonel's house to have dinner with his family.  We are blessed to have a squadron commander who actually cares about the families of his troops.  There was about 5 families there, some of whom just didn't have family around, some of whom whose spouses were deployed like mine.  I have never felt more welcome by a family that isn't already family.
We laughed and joked the entire afternoon.  His wife is also the best cook I've been around in a long time.  I'll try to post some of these recipes she served--she promised to share them with me.

Then, the fun began.  We had confetti eggs we had to break over each others heads.  They were supposed to be for the kids, but the Colonel's daughters ended up getting everyone--including their dad.  It was pretty funny watching them chase him around the yard.  It was such a fun time--and for a moment, I forgot how bummed I was that DH wasn't here to share our first Easter together.

I've started painting.  I'm no artist, so it's just paint-by-number, but I am amazed at how relaxing it has been.  I'll post my progress with that as I start to work on it.  It's nothing fancy, but the concentration really relaxes me.  I'm also hoping to knock out a few projects.
We'll see how productive I end up being!

Since it's late, and I have to work in the morning, I will end my post here.  Each day is one closer to being with my love again.  Each day we grow stronger.

The Faithful Wife

Friday, April 22, 2011

Day 27--I'm in Denial

Dear Deployment,

I'm sitting here on my couch, waiting for my toes to dry.  A good friend of mine came over tonight to keep me company so we're doing pedicures.  I'm not looking forward to her leaving--the house will be quiet then, and I'll have to face the truth of our new reality:
DH left this morning.
My sister went with us to the airport early this morning.  It was a lot more surreal this time around since there were other people leaving with him this time.  It was almost like I didn't get to say goodbye like I wanted leaving the airport only temporarily, as if I would be back later in the day to pick him up.
His flight left super early, so we hardly had any time to say goodbye.  My sister was kind enough to get a few pictures of us as we were saying goodbye.
That hug was far too short.
It was hard, too, since he wasn't in uniform--people at least understand why you're crying when hugging someone in uniform....I just got funny looks instead.

My sister and I were talking about how interesting airports are, how many stories that come and go everyday when you walk through them.  I wish people had understood our story today so that our time could have been sweeter, quieter, less rushed.

They started to board, and I felt like it was a hurried goodbye.  I hate not feeling like I was able to completely say goodbye, but he had to go--he has a job to do over there, and I will continue to do my job here: supporting him as his wife, proud of her husband and proud to serve in my own, quiet way.

I'm still in denial.  It's as if he'll walk through our front door at any moment.  His "food" (I don't like pickles, vinegar or beer) is still in our fridge.  His clothes are still in the dirty laundry basket.  His keys are hanging by the door.
as if he hasn't even left yet.

I think it will probably become real tonight, when I'm back in our cold bed.  As I am sleeping, he is somewhere over the Atlantic (flying first class, he was thrilled).

We will be celebrating our six month wedding anniversary tomorrow.  I didn't expect the celebration to include him being far away
but then again, this lifestyle is full of surprises.

I have so much to learn.  This deployment has hardly even started, but we will grow and we will learn.
So while we had to say goodbye for the moment, this is just one day closer to being together again.
All my love.  Safe travels, my darling.

The Faithful Wife

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Day 25--I'm Going through Puberty

Dear Deployment,

Puberty ended for me almost 10 years ago, so why am I an emotional basketcase again?  I keep getting angry at DH and crying and venting and crying and laughing and then crying again.
I swear I need to be institutionalized.

I'm so stressed with him leaving.  I just want to curl up in a ball and wait it out until November.
You're getting me today,'s days like today that make the next 6+ months feel unbearable.

The Faithful Wife

Monday, April 18, 2011

Day 23--A Whole New Ballgame

Dear Deployment,

I won't lie, I'm scared.  DH told me last night that he found out while at training they might be sending him to Afghanistan instead.  The place he was originally going I can do....Afghanistan is a whole different ballgame.  People die there.  People come home hurt.
People come home different.
That terrifies me.

What's funny is that this isn't even for certain--nothing in the military ever is.  But just the knowledge that it could happen kept me up all night.  I don't want my husband going there...not after I've been preparing myself for one location these last six months only to find out that he's not even going there.

But we don't have answers...and won't until he gets to his original assigned country.  He leaves for there on Friday morning.
This is all happening so fast, but answers won't come soon enough either.
Hurry up and wait, I guess.

The Faithful Wife

Friday, April 15, 2011

Day 20--A Welcome, A Goodbye

Dear Deployment,

DH came home yesterday evening from training.  We don't know how long he will be here, we only know it's sometime in the next week he's leaving.
Do you know what's weird?  I'm already irritated with him.  I know how horrible that sounds, but let me explain.  Over the last 3 weeks, I was able to establish a routine.  I had consistency and a way of getting things done.  He's disrupted that.
Don't get me wrong, he can disrupt whatever he wants to, I'm just glad he's here.
but now I have to readjust again.
and that means that sometime in the next week, I get to readjust from my readjustment. again.

It's bittersweet that he's home.  I love DH being around.  Puppy loves DH being around--she was so so excited to see him yesterday! but that means we have to say goodbye again.
and I have the feeling this goodbye is going to be harder than the last one.

But each day I pray for the strength to stay strong through it.  No promises I won't cry though.

The Faithful Wife

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Day 18--I Can't Feel My Arms

Dear Deployment,

I made myself a promise before DH left that I would take our time apart to really focus on developing myself--including getting myself into shape.  Who would have thought that adding a husband would also add about 17 pounds to my not-so-trim waistline?  So, true to my self, I followed through and got a personal trainer.
We had our second session tonight
I think I told her that I hated her approximately four times in less than twenty minutes.
yes. I am a pansy.

But I will follow through.  I am determined to allow myself to grow and experiment during this process...that's why I chopped 13 inches off of my hair!  I'm looking forward to seeing how much I am going to evolve in these next six and a half months.  It's very exciting!

In the meantime, as in, right now, I can't feel my arms.  I never want to see a free weight again in my life.  Please keep them far away.

The Faithful Wife

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Day 17--Smaller Grocery Bill, Larger Laundry Pile

Dear Deployment,

The smaller grocery bill makes sense.
So why do I have more laundry in a week to do than I did when DH was home?

Ah the many riddles of deployments back home.

The Faithful Wife

Monday, April 11, 2011

Day 16--You'd Think I'd Learn

Dear Deployment,

You'd like I'd learn by now, at my age, not to watch anything remotely scary...ever.  Well, if you know me at all, you'd know that I have a slight obsession with murder mysteries and the sort--especially those related to history.
You know where I'm going with this...
I watched a Discovery documentary on Jack the Ripper.  At 9 o'clock at night.
horrible decision really.

If DH didn't have such acute senses, my dog would be laying next to me in the bed right now (DH said absolutely no way in the world our dog can sleep with me....I'm doing my best to oblige)
Guh, I'm a sucker.

Today was a good day, a better day anyways.  I woke up in a mood, which is never good.  You ladies know what I'm talking about: the mood.  The one where the world's best choice (which I'm apparently not good at making) is to just let us sulk.  The morning started that way.
Puppy's antics havent' been helping.  so so naughty. but that's a story for another day.

I ended up not going to church tonight.  I just couldn't handle being around a bunch of women whose husbands were home.  Selfish? yes. Honest? Absolutely.  I needed to either be with women who know what I'm going through right now or be alone.
A good friend of mine then invited me to Zumba.  Being the sucker that I am (and knowing my personal trainer would kick my not-so-trim backside if I didn't go), I went.
Holy gracious it was painful the best thing ever.  and I mean that!  I had a blast
but my legs hurt

Ah endorphins.  They're so wonderful.

Then my best friend came over (aka: bestie) and she did homework while I ate ice cream to null the work out that I put trainer will be so proud.

So, today's moral:
Eat ice cream promptly after Zumba
Don't beat the dog when she wakes you up at 5am
don't watch shows that you know will give you the heebie jeebies

Maybe by November I'll have those ones down pat--minus the don't beat the dog one....just kidding.

The Faithful Wife

P.S. My paper chain is getting smaller and smaller :)

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Day 15--How I Broke a Truck, and Other Reasons I Wish My Husband was Home

Dear Deployment,

It's all your fault.  My husband's beloved truck has a rock chip in the paint of his bumper.  He's going to kill me....quite literally, kill me.  I haven't told him yet.  My goal is to break it to him gently--my parents suggested I do it while naked.  We'll see what ends up happening.
I promise I wasn't trying to break it.  The chip it this itty bitty little thing in the bumper, about the size of a dime.  But it will surely be the end of me be a reason my husband won't let me drive the truck again....maybe I do need to practice my sweet, "I'm naked, I love you and oops, by the way, I chipped paint off your truck" voice....
See, if DH was still home, the rock chip would have been HIS fault, and not mine.  Sigh, oh well....I'm making stuffed peppers when he comes home.  Maybe I'll tell him while I'm naked, serving him stuffed peppers and acting innocent.
It has to work.

It's been officially over 2 weeks since DH left for training with this deployment.  Only a few more days (read: THURSDAY) until he gets to come home for a little less than a week before they are making him leave.  I have mixed feelings about him coming home.
Don't get me wrong, I am absolutely thrilled beyond words that I get to see my husband, but that means I have to say goodbye again.  The first goodbye was already hard enough, and this time I don't even want to think about what is going to happen once I drop him off at the airport.  I'm already dreading it.
I just want it to be November already.

Another reason DH needs to come home is that I am spending way too much money on things I don't need groceries.  I bought Cheetos tonight.  I think I've regressed to age 5.  My pantry and refrigerator look like the doings of a handful of fourth graders run amok in the grocery store.  This could be really bad.
When DH is home, I am organized and meticulous when it comes to shopping.  Nope. I think I've forgotten everything that I've perfected in the last 6 months of our marriage.
Yep, my bank account is doomed.

I also don't do laundry anymore.  I can't find my black sweater....

Moral of the story: I think I'm losing my mind. I can't decide who is running this house today, me or our puppy.

Don't even get me started on puppy.  She's "being a teenager" according to our trainer.  If she keeps "being a teenager" she's going to start being one dead little doggie (just kidding, I would never actually hurt her, but darn it, I think my hair has gone grey today)

The emotional rollercoaster of this deployment is stressful, but you know what?  I think I am going to kick this deployment's butt.  Now, let's get hubby home and get these next 6 and a half months rolling!

The Faithful Wife

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Day 11-Trusting God More than Myself

Dear Deployment,

I feel like this is an exercise in trust. Ironically, I've always been a worry-wart, which is funny since I married into the military which is just a recipe for a brain meltdown.  With everything going on between work and puppy and home and DH's deploying....finding out about more stress really takes the cake.
Yes, I am talking about the proposed government shutdown.  It would impact us both, since he's military and I'm a government employee.  It's so frustrating entering into a new situation where things are again uncertain

but then again, this is our life.
and this is where I think God is putting me through his own version of bootcamp.  This is an exercise in trust.  My constant cleaning of the house is an exercise in discipline.  Making sure my DH's truck (read: his mistress) is ding-free is a lesson in responsibility.  Maybe this deployment will be good for me afterall.

So far, today has been good.  I won't get to talk to DH since they're doing night exercises (and the time difference doesn't help matters), but I was blessed to get a Facebook chat from him this morning before he left.
It's funny how those little things make our days.  I really am blessed though.

Today's post will be short since I am exhausted from work and ready to hit the sack. I'm looking forward to a certain number of days from now when he will be home to visit one last time before the deployment truly begins.
I'll get hugs and snuggles and time with my baby
and let's not forget a few frolicks in our nice big bed :)  (Hey! I'm married, I can say that)

Hurry up, November.  I want my husband home.
but in the meantime, let's get down to business.  I plan on graduating at the top of this class.
Ready. Set. Grow.

The Faithful Wife

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Day 10-Hello Double Digits

Dear Deployment,

It's official: we've hit the double digits.  It doesn't feel like he left all that long ago, but at the same time,  it feels like an eternity since he held me last.  I hope this is a sign that this is going to fly by....

I made a paper chain to help get this deployment going faster.  Sometimes I swear I'm a 22 year old in a 4 year old's body, but you know what? if it helps me, then I say awesome.  I secretly look forward to bedtime when I can take off another link and watch that chain get smaller.

At my Bible study on Sunday,we were discussing strategies for dealing with deployments for kids....and what was surprising to me was that a lot of those suggestions, would also work for us women who have no children yet.  We need routine, we need things to keep us busy, we need security in our relationship.  These are basic needs that need to be met for anyone of any age going through a deployment.

So my goals for this deployment are simple: Create a routine.  Make traditions.  Allow myself to acknowledge when I'm struggling but also hold to the joy that can only come from the Lord.  They seem simple, but I really believe that they will make all the difference.
I've also started memorizing scripture to help me remember God's promises to me.  The one I'm working on right now is from Joshua 1:9
 "Be strong and courageous, do not be terrified; do not be discourged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go"

I am holding to that verse as a reminder that in my own strength, I can't do this, but the Lord will uphold me and will be with me in every high and low caused by our circumstances.

It's comforting to know that the God I serve is greater than any deployment.  There is power in that.

The Faithful Wife

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Day 8-One Week Down, So Many to Go

Dear Deployment,

I have done really well so far-I feel strong and able to handle this.
or at least I did until 5 minutes ago.

I can do the brave face thing, sometimes it's easy in fact....but for some reason, this evening has been difficult.  I miss my husband.  I want to feel his arms around me.  I want to share dinner with him.  I want to snuggle.
and let's just face it....I'm sex deprived.

It's been one week and one day since he left.  I haven't cried yet...but I feel close to crying tonight.  I'm lonely.  I hate this quiet apartment.  I just want him home.

I am fortunate enough to be able to go to a Bible Study of military wives and our current topic is coping with deployment.  How apropos, especially for me in this season of our lives.  I never thought I'd be spending our first anniversary alone, my 23rd birthday....our 6 month anniversary.  This is so much more than I ever saw us doing
and I know we can do it
but this is hard today

I am trying to get into these new shows that everyone is talking about: Army Wives and Coming Home.
Army Wives is hard--seeing them cope with someone dying in action...that's my greatest fear.  I don't want to be a widow at 23.  It terrifies me beyond words.  I don't know what I would do--the thought paralyzes me.
I wish that he could just stay home where it's safe.  But I know that he wouldn't be happy--he loves his job.  He loves serving.  and I love that by being beside him allows me to serve
even on hard nights like today.

Coming Home just makes me cry.  It's so emotional for me because I know how those families feel.  I know the gut wrenching feeling of having them gone and the roller coaster of waiting for them to walk off of that airplane.
Good Lord I'm a mess.

I wish I could talk to him today.  I miss him so much.  I want to tell him how puppy did today at her training class, how much improvement she has made, her new favorite places in the house.
I want to tell him how I finally used my blender and made a homemade Jamba Juice.
I love him so much.

and I hope tomorrow is easier.  I know it will be.

The Faithful Wife

Friday, April 1, 2011

Day 6-The World's Greatest Invention

Dear Deployment,

You'll be happy to know that I am writing this from work on my lunch break.  Since I was so lazy as to not post yesterday, I figured that I would actually sit my not so tiny hiney down and write this afternoon rather than wait until tonight when I convince myself that I'm just too tired to move off of our fur covered couch.
So there.

To be honest with you, the last couple of days haven't felt too horrible.  DH has almost been gone a week, and so far it's mostly smooth sailing (minus the puppy being a bit more ridiculous than I had hoped).  She is doing far better and I'm looking forward to coming home to a happy, healthy puppy once I'm off of work tonight.  I'm also enjoying the fact she let me sleep through the night again.  It's the little things in life....

I feel very blessed right now because with DH away at training, we didn't think it would be possible for him to get his internet hooked up.  For me, as long as I know, I'm okay with that.  So imagine my surprise when all of a sudden last night, I see his username pop up on my Skype.  He was able to get internet in his room and we were able to see each other's faces last night while talking.
It was the best thing ever.

I'm still convinced I married the world's handsomest man.  I know you're probably all jealous, but I don't mind--I got myself quite the catch....the sea bass among river bass, the amberjack among tuna.  He's all mine....and no, I don't know why I just used fishing references, especially since I haven't been fishing since I was six years old.
Oh well, it must be working with a bunch of toddlers that is making my brain go retrograde.

Never underestimate the power of seeing your love.  To see their faces, look at their eyes.  It's the best thing in the world.  It's better than anything I can think of that would relatively compare.  I am truly blessed.

I'm hoping that I will get to talk to him again tonight.  It's frustrating, knowing there will be days when we won't get to talk, but each time we do I hold onto that and it gets me through until the next time I can hear his voice....
....or be even more blessed and see his handsome face.

The Faithful Wife