Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Day 66---I'm Starting to Belive in the "Deployment Curse"

Dear Deployment,

I promise I'm not a pessimist...however, you haven't been working in my favor lately.
Remember this post or this one?  Let's add today's to the mix involving the truck, shall we?

Yep, another oops.
A bigger one.
I'm dead.

I'm never driving that truck again.
stupid bumper.

The Faithful (and soon to be murdered) Wife

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Day 64--I Have a Waterbottle Permanantly Glued to My Hand

Dear Deployment,

Training puppies is hard.  My naughty naughty (and super adorable) puppy won't stop barking.  So I'm doing what our trainer told me to: spraying her with water EVERY TIME she barks
I've had this water bottle glued to my hand for the last hour
Dear puppy, please learn fast, this is going to get old quick

I've determined that I'm doomed as a mother.  Sweet puppy has allergies so I gave her Benadryl.  I almost cried when she got tired.  I don't even want to think what's going to happen when DH and I have two-legged, not-nearly-as-hairy children.  Lord save us.

Honestly, I'm writing this blog to postpone doing my laundry.  There's a pile the size of Mt. Wannahaukaloogie (name that movie anyone?) sitting on our giant cold bed.  I've been putting it off for, oh, a month.  I don't mind washing it.
It's the folding part I want to kick. No thanks, I'd rather not.
As in, I'd hire help to do it.  Awesome.

I'm going to go visit my family for Memorial Day.  I am so blessed to have them so close--just about 45 minutes away, in fact.  I'll have to drive DH's truck though, definately not looking forward to that part.  Yuck.

Well, I need to go tackle the never ending pile of clean clothes...but I guess I can be thankful they're clean and not stinky dirty...
gotta look for that silver lining!

The Faithful Wife

Friday, May 27, 2011

Day 62--When Waiting for that Phone Call

Dear Deployment,

It has been what feels like forever since I last heard from DH.  I haven't talked to him since last Thursday--but I am thankful for the brief email I received yesterday.  You learn to cling to those little things, and I'm thankful that I'm learning those lessons now rather than a few years from now.

So what do I do when I wait for that phone call?  Everything I do normally--just a bit more thoroughly or observantly!

I am currently watching my ridiculous puppy chase her tail.  She is the most hilarious creature I've ever met.  I am so thankful for her, even on days like today when I wanted to clamp her barking mouth shut....she's gotten so loud.  Here's a picture of her I took earlier today, she's so selfish:

I was finally able to get a quote on DH's truck.  It will be fixed by next month, so I definately feel much better about that whole situation.  Hopefully he's pleased by the results.  We shall see, I guess!

Sometimes I just wish I could pick up the phone and call him.  There are so many things I want to tell him, and by the time I get to talk to him, I've either forgotten or it doesn't seem nearly as important as it did when I first wanted to tell him.
I guess that's just the learning part of this process.

Here's to a hope of a phone call.

The Faithful Wife

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Day 59--Playing Mommy, Allergies and BBQ

Dear Deployment,

You've been keeping me busy..so busy, in fact, that I'd neglected to write for a week.  Shame on me, I know.  Between work and trying to get everything else accomplished, I don't have much time left in my days.  However, writing has always been a big part of my life, and I've noticed that my days go much better when I get a chance to write, so I'll try to be more diligent about posting.

I get to play mommy.  One of the perks of working at a daycare is all of the extra "kid time" I get to have.  DH and I want a family some day, but considering we've only been married seven months, it's a bit too early to add to our clan.  I get my baby fixes from friends and work.  I get one handsome man every morning at 5am.  We hang out until we go to school around 8.  He's sure a sweetie.
Starting this evening, I get another little guy to add to the mix, except he's staying with me for four days.  His mom is having twins and asked if I could watch him for a few days while she's at the hospital.  I was happy to oblige.

One thing about where we live is the storms.  I don't mind them, since I've grown up with storms, but I know a lot of my friends get really scared by them.  Considering how violent some of the storms parts of the country have gotten, I feel blessed to know that they haven't hit us that hard here (minus some hail, but that's not a major).
Allergies here are a beast, though.  I am not a fan.  I swear I wake up coughing every morning and I haven't been able to breathe out of my nose since last September.  Even puppy has been affected--both her back legs look like chew sticks they're itching her so bad.  I'm going to call the vet and get her a steroid shot later this week--when I picked her up from daycare, they suggested that would be a good idea.

Perhaps the thing that bothers me the most with DH being gone is the quiet, and the lack of reason to cook a real meal.  I was getting so sick of ramen that I called a good friend of mine and invited her over for dinner last night.  We had BBQ chicken and it was oh, so good.
You never know the value of friendships until you have a BBQ chicken moment.

I need to head to work, but I promise to post more frequently.  Busy days, busy nights.
Bring my husband home

The Faithful Wife

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Day 52--Why am I having nightmares?

Dear Deployment,

I've never been a sound sleeper, but I usually sleep through the night with minimal (albiet half awake) issues.  For some reason the last two days I've been having nightmares that are preventing me from any normal sleep patterns that might still exist in my recent memory.
For my own sanity, and to see if anyone else in my situation has experienced a similar phenomenon, I'm going to write about my dream from last night.  It's not nearly as terrifying or heart-wrending in writing, but it's stuck with me all morning and I can't seem to shake the feeling of heartbreak I woke up with this morning.

Imagine basic military training graduation. Something like this:
And combine it with the mass chaos and amount of people as Woodstock.

That's our setting.
DH was back in tech school (although it was nothing like his tech school) but he was deployed simultaneously.  I hadn't seen him in quite a while apparently, and was anxiously awaiting being in his arms again.  My in-laws were with me, which is odd, since our "rule" is that no other family is allowed at reunions except for us, and my mother in law was telling me that he isn't going to want to see me and that his only focus was going to be on her.
That didn't bother me.
However, when they let the military members loose to find their families, I couldn't find DH.  I looked all around, crying and asking anyone if they had seen him. He wasn't anywhere to be found.  My heart sank.

Then I went back to where my in laws had been standing, and DH was sitting on the ground near them.  Except I didn't recognize him.  I couldn't figure out if it was him or not.  My father in law said that it was him and that I should stop being so silly and go say hi.
Except when I got closer, all that was there was the shell of DH's body.  His eyes were lifeless and he didn't even turn to look at me.  He didn't even care that I was standing there.

I spent the remainder of the dream yelling, screaming and crying, begging him to hold me, comfort me, tell me it's all going to be okay.
but he never came back to himself.
and I was alone.

I woke up crying this morning.  I felt like my whole body was shaking.
I don't know if other wives have bizarre nightmares while their husbands are deployed, but I hope that this doesn't last too long....it's really starting to get to me.

The Faithful Wife

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Day 49--Oh, to be 10 Again

Dear Deployment,

I was able to celebrate my little sister's 10th birthday with her today.  It seems like just yesterday she was born and I was a sixth grader...time flies way too fast for my liking sometimes.  She's really growing to be a beautiful young lady
My cousin and I were talking about how much simpler life was when we were 10.  Those things that mean so much then, really don't end up meaning so much down the road.  The worries we had then were in relation to homework and how much TV time we were allowed.
and I was fortunate to have an intact family structure with parents who loved (and continue to love) each other dearly.
Life was so simple.
Can I be 10 again?

I'll admit though, I really enjoy being an adult most days.  I'm finally learning how to take myself seriously, which I guess is a good thing since it's about darn time I did that (considering I've been a college graduate for over a year now).  I'm learning to be comfortable in my own skin....
speaking of skin
I've lost 4 pounds and an inch all over since I started working with my trainer.  Looking at this deployment in the "big picture" I am already amazed at how much good I am choosing to embrace.  Without the deployment, I wouldn't have gotten a trainer.  Without the deployment, I wouldn't have broken my husband's truck and had to learn how to assert myself with car people.  Without the deployment, I'd still be right where I was a month and a half ago.
and life is too short to not grow every day.

So while I miss my husband and I wish he was laying here next to me in our (still freezing cold) bed, I am also thankful for this challenge.  Thankful for the opportunities I'm being presented.
Thankful that I'm learning that I'm not 10 years old and that I am capable of so much more than I ever dreamed possible.

And for those of you who wondered: yes, I told him about the truck.  No, I'm not dead. Yes, he was disappointed. Yes, my entire summer trip fund has been depleted trying to repair it. No, I'm never driving that truck again. Yes, I have learned my lesson: only drive small cars from now on.

ah, the lessons learned
The Faithful Wife

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Day 45--Waiting for that Phone Call

Dear Deployment,

I'm going to be in big trouble.  Remember that post a while back regarding DH's truck?  Yeah, I made an oopsie.
A size of my hand, dent in the side of his beloved truck oopsie.
So if there aren't anymore blog posts after this one, it means I told DH and he killed me with the death stare...because I know I'm going to get it.

That is the worst part of deployments, I've decided: not being able to talk to them right when you want/need to do so.  I've been harboring this guilt and nervousness for two whole days now, just waiting for that phone call...but I never can seem to catch him online.  It's such a frustrating feeling.
You feel very helpless.

I am fortunate I get my two phone calls a week....but I must admit that sometimes I am selfish and wish that he could call more--I miss him a lot
even when I know I'm going to get lectured on why I shouldn't be driving his truck in the first place.

I'm praying he'll be able to call today. The stress is driving me quite insane.  I'm not a fan.

In other news, puppy went to daycare yesterday. (Yes, I'm one of those people now).  I wish I had discovered it sooner--she's so well behaved and sweet.  I'm a fan.  This is going to be a lifesaver, I think.

I need to get going to work, but for those of you who are willing, please pray I can finally talk to DH, that he receives the news of my big oopsie well and that we can get it fixed for not too much....
yup, big trouble (as my little brother would say)

The Faithful Wife

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Day 42--Holy Productivity, Batman!

Dear Deployment,

I am kicking being idle's butt.  I have gotten so much accomplished today and it's not even 1300!  That's one thing I've noticed since DH left--I'm much more productive! haha, I guess not having him around as a handsome distraction aids in that.

In my last post, I was trying to keep it serious, due to the nature of events, but I did promise to post some hilarious pictures from last weekend.  Prepare yourself.
Meet the game of Quelf:

It is probably the most pointless, most hilarious game ever invented.  Please try it.  You'll understand.  Here was one of the tamer challenges:

So anyway, there's been a lot of laughs lately.  For which I'm very thankful.

DH and I were finally able to Skype on Thursday night.  I thought he'd never get internet, so needless to say, I was very thankful to see him.  He's doing so well, and I know that his flight will benefit from his leadership.  I'm so proud to be his wife, I really am.

I am now off to a baby shower, so I will have to end this post, but keep in mind that I'm still kicking this deployment's butt--and I can't claim that in my own strength.  Go read the book "God Strong", you'll understand :)

The Faithful Wife

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Day 36--Breaking News, Heart in My Throat

Dear Deployment,

One of the most evil people in modern history is dead.  The news of Osama Bin Laden's death broke less than an hour ago, it's all over Facebook, Google, the news.  Part of me is celebrating right now because of the joy of knowing that 9/11, in a small way, has been avenged.  All of those who died can know that the mastermind behind their murders is now facing God and facing all that he has done.
Part of me feels sick, because I know there will be international backlash from his death.  DH is in a predominately Muslim country right now.  While he's not supposed to be in any sort of real danger, part of me knows that because of today's events, he could be put at risk.  It scares me.  To say it doesn't would simply be lying--I am scared right now and that is the God-honest truth.

In my fear, however, I have hope.  I have peace.  I know that the Lord is walking with him and that angels are surrounding him.  We live in a scary world, but we serve a God bigger than that.  I know my husband will be okay--that he will come home to me
it might just be later than we were hoping.
All I can do right now is pray and hope that DH doesn't get forward deployed.  Pray that DH gets to stay where he is now.  Pray that I can talk to him soon and be reassured by the sound of his voice.

Speaking of hearing his voice, I was blessed to get a phone call from him early (read: 2am) on Friday morning.  I felt so spoiled to talk to him, so blessed and so reminded of all the reasons I love him dearly.

I could talk about all the things I did this weekend, but it just doesn't seem appropriate right now.  My heart is somber, my voice is lifted in prayer.
and I give thanks for the Lord's protection.

The Faithful Wife