He's Home. He's Leaving. And the Cycle Continues

Well for all of you who wanted to see our homecoming video, here it is.  DH came home 29 October mid afternoon.  It was one of the happiest moments of my life, but also one of the scariest.  Transitioning back into a semblance of normal has been hard.  We never really were able to establish us as a family before he left so now we're left picking up the pieces and figuring out how, what, who and when all over again....but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Here's our homecoming video:

DH came home two days ago and dropped a bombshell for me.  He's deploying again.  He will leave next fall and be gone for one year.  That's 365 days.  That's double of when he was gone this last time.  It's scary for me.  It's been a hard pill for me to swallow.  Part of me wonders when it will be our turn to just be normal for once, rather than preparing for deployments and being apart.
It's hard for me not to focus on the negatives with this.  He will miss my birthday for a fourth year in a row.  He missed our first anniversary, now he'll miss our second.
He's going to miss the holidays.
That's hard for me right now.  To say any different would be lying.  I am strong, but right now, my emotions are outweighing my strength.

There are positives though and I'm really trying to keep my eye on those as I have my moments of breaking down.  He is doing this partially so I can keep my job that I started in November.  I love my job and he wants me to be able to stay there as long as possible.  This will be good for his career.  He will get the year deployment out of the way before we have children.  I have family nearby.

But he's still going to be gone.
and my heart just doesn't know how to react to that right now.

He comes home. He leaves again. He comes home.
It's a never ending cycle that I wish, for just one year, would press pause on the coming home part and let it last.

Sincerely,
The Faithful Wife