Day 10-Hello Double Digits

Dear Deployment,

It's official: we've hit the double digits.  It doesn't feel like he left all that long ago, but at the same time,  it feels like an eternity since he held me last.  I hope this is a sign that this is going to fly by....

I made a paper chain to help get this deployment going faster.  Sometimes I swear I'm a 22 year old in a 4 year old's body, but you know what? if it helps me, then I say awesome.  I secretly look forward to bedtime when I can take off another link and watch that chain get smaller.

At my Bible study on Sunday,we were discussing strategies for dealing with deployments for kids....and what was surprising to me was that a lot of those suggestions, would also work for us women who have no children yet.  We need routine, we need things to keep us busy, we need security in our relationship.  These are basic needs that need to be met for anyone of any age going through a deployment.

So my goals for this deployment are simple: Create a routine.  Make traditions.  Allow myself to acknowledge when I'm struggling but also hold to the joy that can only come from the Lord.  They seem simple, but I really believe that they will make all the difference.
I've also started memorizing scripture to help me remember God's promises to me.  The one I'm working on right now is from Joshua 1:9

 "Be strong and courageous, do not be terrified; do not be discourged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go"



I am holding to that verse as a reminder that in my own strength, I can't do this, but the Lord will uphold me and will be with me in every high and low caused by our circumstances.

It's comforting to know that the God I serve is greater than any deployment.  There is power in that.

Sincerely,

The Faithful Wife

Day 8-One Week Down, So Many to Go

Dear Deployment,

I have done really well so far-I feel strong and able to handle this.
or at least I did until 5 minutes ago.

I can do the brave face thing, sometimes it's easy in fact....but for some reason, this evening has been difficult.  I miss my husband.  I want to feel his arms around me.  I want to share dinner with him.  I want to snuggle.
and let's just face it....I'm sex deprived.

It's been one week and one day since he left.  I haven't cried yet...but I feel close to crying tonight.  I'm lonely.  I hate this quiet apartment.  I just want him home.

I am fortunate enough to be able to go to a Bible Study of military wives and our current topic is coping with deployment.  How apropos, especially for me in this season of our lives.  I never thought I'd be spending our first anniversary alone, my 23rd birthday....our 6 month anniversary.  This is so much more than I ever saw us doing
and I know we can do it
but this is hard today

I am trying to get into these new shows that everyone is talking about: Army Wives and Coming Home.
Army Wives is hard--seeing them cope with someone dying in action...that's my greatest fear.  I don't want to be a widow at 23.  It terrifies me beyond words.  I don't know what I would do--the thought paralyzes me.
I wish that he could just stay home where it's safe.  But I know that he wouldn't be happy--he loves his job.  He loves serving.  and I love that by being beside him allows me to serve
even on hard nights like today.

Coming Home just makes me cry.  It's so emotional for me because I know how those families feel.  I know the gut wrenching feeling of having them gone and the roller coaster of waiting for them to walk off of that airplane.
Good Lord I'm a mess.

I wish I could talk to him today.  I miss him so much.  I want to tell him how puppy did today at her training class, how much improvement she has made, her new favorite places in the house.
I want to tell him how I finally used my blender and made a homemade Jamba Juice.
I love him so much.

and I hope tomorrow is easier.  I know it will be.

Sincerely,
The Faithful Wife

Day 6-The World's Greatest Invention

Dear Deployment,

You'll be happy to know that I am writing this from work on my lunch break.  Since I was so lazy as to not post yesterday, I figured that I would actually sit my not so tiny hiney down and write this afternoon rather than wait until tonight when I convince myself that I'm just too tired to move off of our fur covered couch.
So there.

To be honest with you, the last couple of days haven't felt too horrible.  DH has almost been gone a week, and so far it's mostly smooth sailing (minus the puppy being a bit more ridiculous than I had hoped).  She is doing far better and I'm looking forward to coming home to a happy, healthy puppy once I'm off of work tonight.  I'm also enjoying the fact she let me sleep through the night again.  It's the little things in life....

I feel very blessed right now because with DH away at training, we didn't think it would be possible for him to get his internet hooked up.  For me, as long as I know, I'm okay with that.  So imagine my surprise when all of a sudden last night, I see his username pop up on my Skype.  He was able to get internet in his room and we were able to see each other's faces last night while talking.
It was the best thing ever.

I'm still convinced I married the world's handsomest man.  I know you're probably all jealous, but I don't mind--I got myself quite the catch....the sea bass among river bass, the amberjack among tuna.  He's all mine....and no, I don't know why I just used fishing references, especially since I haven't been fishing since I was six years old.
Oh well, it must be working with a bunch of toddlers that is making my brain go retrograde.

Never underestimate the power of seeing your love.  To see their faces, look at their eyes.  It's the best thing in the world.  It's better than anything I can think of that would relatively compare.  I am truly blessed.

I'm hoping that I will get to talk to him again tonight.  It's frustrating, knowing there will be days when we won't get to talk, but each time we do I hold onto that and it gets me through until the next time I can hear his voice....
....or be even more blessed and see his handsome face.

Sincerely,
The Faithful Wife

Day 4-Hashbrowns and Pancakes

Dear Deployment,

I love breakfast for dinner.  I always have--I think my mom got us hooked on it as kids and I've never looked back.  This deployment is working out well for my rather unnatural cravings for poached eggs and toast with hashbrowns and pancakes at 2000.  DH never has been a fan of breakfast for dinner, unless I'm making french toast.
and I don't make french toast.
I think it tastes funny.

A friend of mine and I went out for Ihop tonight to indulge our hankering for all things breakfast after a particuarly long day at work and it was very needed.  With all of the stress of the last few days compounded upon the anticipation of the last five months, I needed to get out of my house and just laugh a little.
and we did.

Puppy is feeling much better today.  I am being constantly reminded of the blessing of friendship through this deployment.  Another friend of mine sat in our apartment all day "puppy-sitting" our fur baby while I was at work.  The vet put her on a prescription diet for the next week and I can tell it's working: she's running laps through the house again.
Funny how the things that used to drive me crazy I'm now thrilled exist.

This post is going to be incredibly short in comparison to my other ones, simply because the three hours of sleep combined with the nine hours of work today are taking their toll.  My bed, albiet cold, is calling, and I am gladly going to answer.

Sincerely,
The Faithful Wife

Day 3-Murphy's Law Should be Renamed

Dear Deployment,

Whoever came up with the concept of Murphy's Law (probably someone named Murphy, but let's just be honest: Murphy was actually the last name of a guy in the military and his wife came up with the term after realizing that everytime he deployed, everything went wrong)
It should go something like this:
Everything that could go wrong, will go wrong the moment your loved one leaves for a deployment.  See? Just needs an addendum.

So why, do you ask, do I suggest such changes to a long-held rule?
Let's just say that it started with a trip to the doggie ER.

I went to work today and dropped puppy off at the groomers to get pampered while I was away.  When I returned to pick her up at 6, I was informed that she developed a severe case of diahrrea during the day.
Awesome.
No big deal though, it's happened before, so we go home and lo and behold, it happens again.  Now she won't eat, drink or play and she's laying by the front door like she's dying.
Panic mode.

So I called a friend of mine and asked what I should do and we decided to take her into the emergency vet clinic since she was acting so lethargic.  Thankfully, her husband was also able to come so that I didn't have to lift my gigantic animal and we made our way to the clinic.
It's a scary thing, thinking your sweet pet is seriously ill.  I'll admit it, I was crying.  I'm still stressed out over it, actually.
The entire ride over there was excruciating for me.  Puppy wasn't acting herself, I was beside myself.  Thankfully DH has his phone for another two weeks and I called him to let him know.  How I wished he could have been there to hold my hand and tell me it's going to be okay.  Instead, I just had to say "I'm taking puppy into the vet, I'll call you as soon as I know anything"
I felt bad, because I know on his end, he was worried too.....part of me wishes I didn't have to tell him, but the charge to our credit card account had to be explained before it inexplicably showed up on our next statement.

The clinic wanted to charge me $1000.00 for tests and treatments, but her vitals were okay, so I decided to wait until the morning to have her seen by our vet.  She's acting a bit better now, but I can tell her tummy is still bothering her.
It's weird, making those big decisions by myself.  I guess that's part of this: learning independence.  Learning to make those big decisions without being able to consult my better half.

I was able to call him after she was seen and reassure him that puppy will be okay, but I know we're both still worried.  Since we have no children of our own, she is our child....and I don't know what I'd do if something happened to her.

Thankfully, everything turned out okay.
I just wish Murphy's Law didn't exist.
I'm just waiting on my car to break next....it's going to happen, I just know it.

Rewrite Murphy's Law, deployment....or at least make it fair.

Sincerely,
The Faithful Wife

Day 2-Our Dog is Bipolar

Dear Deployment,

Please stop making my dog crazy.  I am having a hard enough time dealing with my own emotions to sit here and try to reason with a 40 pound ball of fur.  Puppy knows that DH is gone.  There's no one here to wrestle with her, mommy actually makes her listen, and there's too much bribery involving peanut butter going on....that creates the perfect combination of spoilage and strictness.
This could really become a problem.

I think the fact that he's gone is finally starting to hit me.  The house is so quiet.  Puppy isn't nearly as noisy as usual, she just sits in front of the window and whines.  Breaks my heart, actually.
She keeps asking to go outside.  I've stopped listening, because each time we go out, she doesn't do anything except sit there and look at me as if she's saying, "Okay, so where is he?"
I wish dogs were logical.

But then again, I wish I was logical. 
See, if I was logical, then I could pep talk myself through this deployment so much easier.  So far, I'm doing okay, but looking way ahead to when he actually comes home--that seems like climbing Everest right now.  Emotions tend to rule for me.  My heart outweighs my head.

I was able to talk to him for 10 minutes today.  It's weird, trying to have a conversation over the phone when you're so used to talking face to face everyday.  It's almost like you don't know what to talk about sometimes.  Just having them on the phone with complete silence is okay--just because you know they're there listening.
He starts training tomorrow.  So much going on that I might not get to talk to him for 2 weeks.  I hate that.  I hate that we haven't even been married a year and he's already gone.  I hate that he's going to miss my birthday and our anniversary and the summertime.
again.

But at the same time, I am so proud to be where I am.  So proud to know that the man I love is serving this country and that by standing beside him, I am serving too.
This is going to be an adjustment: doing just my laundry, feeding just me, going to church by myself....silly little things that I've taken for granted so long.  I'm going to have a whole new appreciation for my husband throughout this process.

So for that, I thank you, deployment.  I thank you for the lonely nights and the overindulgence of ice cream when I should be on a diet.  I thank you for the lack of laundry and no more gratuitous cleaning of the bathrooms.
Yes, I even thank you for the bipolor dog.

Sincerely,
The Faithful Wife

Day 1-My Bed is Cold

Dear Deployment,

My bed is cold.  My husband and I have a nice, moderately sized queen bed.  I have always liked it, as it was a wedding gift from his parents...but I never realized how incredibly cold it is and how incredibly small I feel when I am laying in it alone.
My husband (who I will just call DH from now on, for ease sake) is settled in at his training, working hard, sleeping in bunk beds.  I'm at home, working hard, training our dog, and sleeping in this gigantic, abnormally cold bed.  I don't like it.

That's what I've noticed so far these first two nights I've spent alone: nights are the hardest.  Nights are when it hits you that your husband isn't actually there.  During the day you get caught up in various things that need to be accomplished, or you call a friend, or you bake something (yes, I bake when I am killing time).  You can't do those things at night.
It's frustrating, knowing you're exhausted but that you're just going to go to bed and have cold feet and hands all night.
They should issue "deployment socks" or something to us spouses who have to find a new way to keep warm these long months our husbands are gone.....I should market that....

Puppy sat by the door for three hours yesterday.  THREE.  I can tell she misses her daddy.  She doesn't listen to me much either....it's a little frustrating.

I wish DH was here.  So much happened just today that I can't convey in a letter or over the phone.  I wish I could show him how ridiculous puppy looks with the head harness I had to get her for training classes.  I wish I could have split that last piece of cheesecake with him at dinner (and so does my waistline).  I went to celebrate his grandma and grandpa's 60th wedding anniversary today....how I wish he could have shared that with us too....
But he has duty to his men and to our country.  and that's what I have to keep reminding myself, especially in those moments when I just sit back and say, "he really isn't coming home tonight"

On a side note, I drove DH's beloved truck today.  I drive an itty bitty, semi ancient Nissan sedan.  He drives a humongous, over sized, fire engine red, big as a house Nissan pickup.  His is brand new.  I had to drive 2 hours, so instead of risking my car breaking down on me, again....I drove the truck
and it's still in one piece. so there.

Deployment, by the time you are over, I will be a pro at driving that truck.  So there you have it: another silver lining to this cold bed and this lonely wife.  So far, not so bad.

Missing my husband, but always true.
Sincerely,
The Faithful Wife